Thursday, April 23, 2009

Starting over...

One of the useful things I find in publishing a blog is that it provides me a place to put those unfinished conversations that I seem to have around in my head all the time. For example, I try to take my responsibilities as a sponsor pretty seriously and I find myself often reflecting on what was said, not said and could have been worded better. Many times I seem to take that to the web and inflict it on everybody (or nobody) who drops by here.

Please don't take me wrong - I get it that that all I did to qualify myself as someone who's a sponsor is drink myself to the edge of death or insanity, not die, and live a new life as a recovered alcoholic in AA totally by God's grace. I marvel that the trust that's put in me as sponsor is similar to those who have skill, intelligence and training that seem far more useful than what I have to offer but if God is God in my life and others' lives, I understand that I can sometimes be useful as someone's sponsor and that's just a gift. But, I digress...

So, I have someone who regularly comes by at 6am on Thursdays and we did our deal today one more time. He's in the familiar position of dealing with old behaviors (we're shocked that he's on his 9th step... ;-) ) and the consequences they wreak in his life. I've been working with this dude for almost 3 years now and he's coming up on ~3 months sober this time around. I've got to admit, more than once I've thought that he might be of the constitutionally incapable variety but, again, my job is to only offer what my sober experience has been.

...and that is, when you fall down, you get up and start over...

I thought I was pretty unique in the AA world a few years ago when I found the nobility and the usefulness in the Myth of Sisyphus - as I march down the hill to push the rock up one more time, I realize that my purpose is just that. I get to have all the nobility of the absurd position that I've created for myself - I get to be who my higher power would have me be. What I do is no more or no less than pushing a rock for all eternity.

No, I'm not unique - I'm just one more drunk on the bus.

...who's been given a gift that the only appropriate response for is "thank you..." - for a chance to start over and be grateful for ALL that has graced my life...

...and, that just makes sense to me today...

Ed

3 comments:

Steve E. said...

Gosh. Sisyphus? So THAT'S what I was doing all my life, no wonder I never got anywhere, except to find myself in a roomful of smoking, coffee-guzzling, farting guys, who said,

"Don't drink. We'll see ya next week"

--I mean, how sweet is THAT?

Syd said...

Ed, I'm sure that you are a great sponsor. To be working with a guy for 3 years and still be there attests to your being of service to God and your fellows.

Mary Christine said...

Thank you is a great response.