he was pretty broken up about his relapse
2 months ago
"...my relationship with my character defects in my life today is like, I'm eating a 1/2 gallon of ice cream out of the carton and suddenly discover a turd - right there in the middle of my ice cream. I am disgusted and it sickens me. I feel violated and angry.I do exactly the same thing with character defects. I've been around long enough and done the work in the program of A.A. so that I always recognize them when they crop up. But, after initially being repulsed by them, I will think "...maybe I'm really OK with self pity this time..." or "...yeah, it's resentment but it's justified and I'm only human..." or "...it's true I'm being selfish but she's being more selfish..." or ...
Then, I think about it some and I notice that it looks like it's really just one solid chunk in the middle. I really like the ice cream and it seems like a waste to throw out the whole carton. I'm sort of hungry. I think 'I could probably just nibble around the edges of the carton a little...' I wonder how close to the chunk is safe to eat. ..."
"... We are average Americans. All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. ..." BB p. 17It wasn't until just reflecting on that now, some 7 hours later, that this young man is less than 1/2 my age. I've been sober longer than this guy has been alive. He has never known a world "before the Internet." etc. He's in school. I've forgotten what that could even possibly feel like. He's dating and wildly raging in hormones and life and death feelings about acceptance and approval. I've pretty much forgotten what that feels like as well.