Wisdom...

Syd said something on a comment to me yesterday that complimented my "wisdom". I had to smile to myself because being or appearing wise is so much not what I try to be about to today. Not that I"m unique (in AA or the world at large), but my M.O. my whole life has been about trying support the image of being an intellectual. Since I had 0 ability to either show up in school and participate or ask others for help and guidance, the best I could ever be in my life really was the ego-driven pseudo-intellectual that had an opinion about everything and attempted to speak at a level way beyond either my education or intelligence.

In the ultimate justice of the universe, I run into people just like who I used to be at almost every turn of my life today. I sponsor a couple of them, of course. Boy, do I know their "game" - they wonder how I can get so inside their heads that I know their motives and grand plans...

Anyway, day before yesterday, I was discussing with my sponsor some frustrations I'm having with some of my service work and the sense of betrayal I feel from people who are really close to me and refuse to honestly participate in the process after they've formed their opinions. My sponsor made me cry when he complimented my humility in the midst of this mess.

So, as a part of the "...unsuspected inner resource..." I've found in my life today, I've really got some wisdom. I'm also a goof - that's part of the path from there to here.

So, all that said, today (as best I can) I have surrendered to let God make me who he would have me be...

Interesting...

Ed