I went to a concert last night. Each year in our community, some folks loosely centered around the university hold a "Conference on World Affairs". It has an interesting, eclectic, highly varied program on politics, world issues and the arts. All the presentations and panels are free. One of the features of the program is a jazz concert (also free) which has never disappointed me.
We went last night and it was an amazing and singular performance. Given where my head's been at the last few weeks/months, I was curious as to what happens when that rapport between the musician(s) and the audience really creates something extraordinary. I suppose when Steve performs or Scott creates art, they are really in touch with something they can interpret for and share with all of us.
So, as I took a brief journey in my head last night, I was aware of the power of the performers' humility - that their generous and intimate sharing resonated with something that made all of us larger than we are.
I've not spoken at many large gatherings for AA, but am aware that it's much the same experience for both the speaker and the listener as this sort of performance - as we share, intimately, a story of our lives, we each become larger and better than we know ourselves to be. The little I have shared and the several folks I've known who do travel and speak a lot have shown me that there's a huge price paid for standing in front of a bunch of drunks and relating - I've observed a similar price paid by my daughter and other talented performers and artists.
Yet, we share - we participate - we grow - we are touched and we become larger than ourselves as we had defined ourselves.
No wonder I'm so afraid of this - of living. I know I have to let go and let the process take me where it will. I have to surrender and trust that where I wind up will be better than where I am now.
It always is.
This morning, I love life.
Ed
2 comments:
I enjoy the "circuit" speakers. I downloaded a bunch of them from sobercasting.org and listen to them on IPod. Some of them I've heard in person at roundups. And when I've told my story, I've felt a great deal of humility and a lot of gratitude for being where I am. It is a good day today.
It does seem to be about the process. Like our path is about the journey and not the destination. All I know is there is something inside that needs to be expressed, and it comes out in many different ways. What I have to do is to honor that and let it flow.
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