A new...

I started to title this a new day and then realized that it's a new night and then I thought it might not be morning until I finish writing and post and then I realized that it didn't make any difference...

Each moment is a new moment...

So, I had the tough conversation today (see earlier post) and he said he was very careful - that he chose his words so that he wasn't accusing me of being dishonest. I still think I might have heard it the way he said it and was going to find out (from the tapes) exactly what he said and then, I realized, it just doesn't make any difference.

In fact he was very complimentary of me and my contributions...

...which, should have been "enough" but I realized that, in the spirit of unity, I'm part of a committee where he expressed considerable vitriol toward several members personally. He also expressed complete disagreement with some over-all decisions and direction. He was, I think, attempting to be gracious and support me (while placing the attack where he felt it was deserved) but I realized, in the spirit of unity, I have to stand with my committee (I'm a member, not the chair). My parting words with him were that, while I appreciated his kind words, if we as a committee did something offensive or wrong, I was at least partly responsible.

So, though my ego may be repaired some, I remain sad.

I think the whole unity thing might be misunderstated and under-appreciated. In my local AA community, you'd think AA's 1st tradition was either optional or irrelevant. It's all about me getting my recovery and you've got to be responsible for getting yours. People sound like they really are all about just recovering and that they should be able to do any old thing they want to in support of that and bring all of that to AA - consequences be damned.

On my other blog, 36princpiles.org/blog, I've written several articles where, the best of my research reveals through our history and collective experience, that we either hang together or not. For example, we as AA groups either own our service structure (through our delegates and our Conference) or we're in some peril.

I think we feel we can indulge these personal dislikes and, in this case, outright hatred and still work as a collective unit. I don't think there's any requirement that we agree on everything - or anything. Certainly there's no requirement toward conformity. I don't have to go out of my way to invite people I'm not comfortable with into my social circles.

But, at the end of the day, I think I get it that my life depends on AA unity. That, sometimes, I have to take the argument that I disagreed with (to the very ends of the earth - because I AM right!!!), set aside my opinion, and accept the group conscience - as my own...

I'm no saint on this. But I am sad...

Peace.

Ed