Memories

For many years early in sobriety, I thought I made amends to Duffy's in Denver by NOT going there on 3/17 and NOT making an ass of myself and puking their green beer in public.
One of the things I've often stated is that "...my problem isn't that I had blackouts when I drank, my problem was that they just didn't last long enough..." Way too many times, there are these embarrassing, hideous, shameful flashes that, to this day, just show up in a sea of dreamy unconsciousness.
3/17 and Duffy's account for a few of those vignettes.
I don't share my last name here but I am not Irish. I never really hung much with Irish folks. But, on 3/17, I became the best 6'1", whiskey and green beer swilling Irish drunk that I could. What's not to love in a culture where drinking like I did seemed so revered?
Except, now I know it is different for them and me. They were drinking (and still drink) because it was fun and they wanted to. I drank because it was fun and I had to. I could never have entertained the whole bar so effectively without it. And, of the 6-7 years I can remember of my Duffy's tour, I think I made it outside or to the bathroom before puking just 2 times.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not generally a puker. I still pride myself on the enormous amounts of crap I could drink and generally hold it all. Just something about 3/17 and my wedding nights that seemed to bring out the puker in me.... But I digress (or am I boasting?)...
To this day, I don't know if the look the waiters and managers gave me when I showed up for my annual appearance was the look of recognition from the last year that I feared it might be, or if they just saw a drunk who would be trouble from past experience with those like me. In any event, I'm glad I don't have to guess that today.
By the way, at about 5 years sober, I went to Duffy's to make amends. While the manager was more than gracious and reassuring during our conversation, I've got to tell you that part of my sober experience today is motivated and supported by my desire to never have to have that sort of conversation again. I never heard from him again but I hope somewhere his having my name and phone number on his desk (should any like me show up and he want to offer them a solution) might make some magical, karmic difference in all our lives.
Happy day to all!!
Ed