Picking fights...

I 've noticed recently that my wife seems to picking more fights - with many people but with me in particular. It's a stressful time in our life and she's got a lot on her plate but I notice that there are more and more things "coming up" for us. Over 22+ years of living together, these seasons come and they go. There are many things we don't agree on and, during this time, it seems she's almost belligerently taking "stands" against me - unwilling or unable to accept a different perspective than what she owns.

As someone who tends toward the "sensitive" side of the scale, I own that my reactions are not always appropriate.

It's times like this that I envy those who talk about and understand the whole "boundary" thing. As with so much of the babel (psycho or religious) that flows through many AA meetings, I've had to deliberately let go of even using the terms so that I don't perpetuate the harm in my life or tolerate it from sponsors instead of their doing their own tough work.

I'm open-minded about these things as concepts, but my experience in focusing deliberately on "boundaries" causes me to create walls and enmity that can take a decade or better to tear down. Same thing happens to me when I try to focus on "balance" - all the sudden life turns into a roller coaster where nothing gets done or accomplished.

So, this season will pass on to something else. On a good day, I can enjoy a moment or 2 of intimacy and support. On a really good day, I can be useful. The other days, god gives me the grace to contribute somewhere.

It's life...
Ed

A new...

I started to title this a new day and then realized that it's a new night and then I thought it might not be morning until I finish writing and post and then I realized that it didn't make any difference...

Each moment is a new moment...

So, I had the tough conversation today (see earlier post) and he said he was very careful - that he chose his words so that he wasn't accusing me of being dishonest. I still think I might have heard it the way he said it and was going to find out (from the tapes) exactly what he said and then, I realized, it just doesn't make any difference.

In fact he was very complimentary of me and my contributions...

...which, should have been "enough" but I realized that, in the spirit of unity, I'm part of a committee where he expressed considerable vitriol toward several members personally. He also expressed complete disagreement with some over-all decisions and direction. He was, I think, attempting to be gracious and support me (while placing the attack where he felt it was deserved) but I realized, in the spirit of unity, I have to stand with my committee (I'm a member, not the chair). My parting words with him were that, while I appreciated his kind words, if we as a committee did something offensive or wrong, I was at least partly responsible.

So, though my ego may be repaired some, I remain sad.

I think the whole unity thing might be misunderstated and under-appreciated. In my local AA community, you'd think AA's 1st tradition was either optional or irrelevant. It's all about me getting my recovery and you've got to be responsible for getting yours. People sound like they really are all about just recovering and that they should be able to do any old thing they want to in support of that and bring all of that to AA - consequences be damned.

On my other blog, 36princpiles.org/blog, I've written several articles where, the best of my research reveals through our history and collective experience, that we either hang together or not. For example, we as AA groups either own our service structure (through our delegates and our Conference) or we're in some peril.

I think we feel we can indulge these personal dislikes and, in this case, outright hatred and still work as a collective unit. I don't think there's any requirement that we agree on everything - or anything. Certainly there's no requirement toward conformity. I don't have to go out of my way to invite people I'm not comfortable with into my social circles.

But, at the end of the day, I think I get it that my life depends on AA unity. That, sometimes, I have to take the argument that I disagreed with (to the very ends of the earth - because I AM right!!!), set aside my opinion, and accept the group conscience - as my own...

I'm no saint on this. But I am sad...

Peace.

Ed

AA Service

I spent the day at an AA service meeting.

In general, I love these meetings because:

1. I find people as passionate about AA as I am
2. I believe our 3rd legacy of service is important and I find this is an area where I can be useful in my life
   
3. I get to practice principles in new ways that force me to grow
   

Someone went to the microphone today and said (over an issue I was invested - had put much time and thought into) - "...given that we know these people have not told the truth to this body in the past..." and went on to state his position.

I just felt sad...

It wasn't that I thought I was right and he was wrong (I may well be wrong on this issue, but I don't think so and I didn't intentionally or even inadvertently lie in any form that I know of...), it was that he, someone I would have called a close friend, attacked me...

I went through several thoughts and emotions before I got to the fact that I was just sad, but it still hurt.

I know the process and will eventually have a conversation with this guy, but it's just what I had to share for today...

I be different later...

Ed

Practicing principles...

While I am not inventing a new program every day I wake up, I am learning that a certain mindfulness of our principles does lead to an openness and a willingness that I've seemed to not have access to in the past.

I outlined in another web blog article Why I care about AA principles. What remains today is that there is so VERY much room to grow.

Today I feel woefully inadequate to the task at hand (living my life).

...but, fortunately, God's given me the grace to do "what's next", one moment at a time.

And, I guess that's as good as it gets for this alchy on this day...

Peace...

I spent an evening recently with my brother-in-law whom we'll call "T" (sounds more anonymous and fair than calling him his real name "Tom").

T is brilliant (really). He's bright. He has a quick wit and he's personable, and, in his own way, informed. He's intelligent. By comparison to me, he's wealthy. He's part of the set of folks who believe the republican party left them behind - the "true" conservatives. The folks who believe that they would be so much better if government just left them alone completely. Left them to acquire money however they damn well want and spend it all however they damn well want. Get government out of health care, banking, drug regulation - all of it. T lives on the top of a mountain and has been rumored to take shots at people who are messing around on his property.

I hope you get the idea...

This evening I spent with T started with the theme "...people just don't know how f---ed they are yet..." "...before it's over, it's going to be so much worse than people are expecting..." "...we are all just so f---ed..." "...everything everyone is doing, especially our leaders and our government is just making it all more f---ed..." "...they think that taking all the money from the rich will solve problems - that will just make things worse - they haven't seen any problems yet..." Regardless what the topic (family, religion, the weather, sports, all of it), regardless of the decision that we all were done talking about politics (agreed to several times), regardless of any attempts to steer the conversation by the other 5 of us and be civil, T returned to his rant.

The evening started and ended on the same general note...

You know it was a tough evening when the best 1/2 hour I had there was dealing with a toilet that my wife plugged up in their house.

I'm not a victim. Several times during the evening, I tried to offer T another way of seeing a particular situation. I'd just finished reading Obama's biography, The Audacity of Hope, so I felt I could contribute some perspective of what might be going on and where some solutions might be coming from in the long term but T only became even more defensive and entrenched.

I'm trying to learn to live my life on a spiritual plane and thought I could offer some comfort or solace; even empathy but T was not interested in anything I could contribute.

An hour into this 4-hour evening, it occurred to me that there must be some principle I was to learn something about here - what was my purpose here?

As T raged on, it finally occurred to me that the principle of the evening (for me) was "peace". I went into my head briefly and realized that one of my most prized possessions today is an internal peace that is becoming increasingly familiar.

I was in a workshop with my sponsor last month when one of the participants, almost out of the blue, had a complete melt down and dumped about a 15 minute rant on the gathering and stomped out the door to "go get drunk". He was a hurting unit. My sponsor, as facilitator, said something to the effect that "...the spirit-led life is the way of peace..." and we all took about 10 minutes for silent meditation as a group. The person who stomped out returned a while later but that example of the "power of peace" was probably the most lasting impression of the 3 days we spent together. The hurting unit wasn't necessarily healed but we were all sober and on the path toward our own experiences.

I realized that, even while T was ranting, I could choose peace.

It really turned into a delightful evening and, in retrospect, I've got to tell you that I have nothing but compassion for T. I keep thinking: "imagine - living with and in that head..."

It's not like AA has any corner on finding and utilizing the power in this principle. It has probably shaped the world as much or more than war over the past century (Ghandi, Mandella, the civil rights movement, etc.).

Whod've thunk...

Ed

Dave...

I was just settling in for the night last night at 11pm. Late for me (I make no apologies - I'm old and I want my sleep!!), but I was having a hard time letting go of the day and was reading when the phone rang. It was our night watch volunteer and he gave me "Dave's" number.

I called him and we quickly established that he was drunk ("sho, whadja shay yooor name wash aghaine?"). He copped to having had at least a liter of vodka a day for a number of years and really-really-really-really wanted to quit drinking.

I have a process that I've learned to do when I'm in this sort of situation:

1. Pray
2. Listen
3. Be willing (to go get someone, to hang up, to argue, whatever it feels like I'm being led toward)
4. Trust God
5. Ask for the grace to learn something
   

We chatted for over an hour. He was most open and receptive. It turns out he had a father with some time in AA so he knew it worked. He had reservations. He was concerned that, when he quit, he might get sick and was afraid of what might happen. He was concerned that he might not be able to keep his job as a bartender. He was afraid of the God stuff. He didn't have money to go to a hospital or treatment center. He was afraid he'd never get laid again.

I shared my experience and what I knew of others experiences. We have a detox that a former sponsee works at so I could assure him that he could do what he wanted (sober up under medical supervision) with little or no cost to him.

In the end (after I assured him he could get laid even if he were sober), he said that he'd go to detox on Saturday morning - that way he could still make his shift at work on Tuesday morning.

We hung up as friends....

I wonder if he remembers any of it this morning?

Thank you Dave...

I was blessed...

Ed

A good heart...

I went for a walk this morning with a former sponsee/friend. He said, several times, he thought I had a "good heart".

I struggle with whether to just do a long article and tell my whole story once and just refer to it or reveal it piecemeal and relate bits of it as it's relevant to what I post but I guess for now, you need to just trust that, in sobriety, I was promoted up a corporate ladder over 18 years to middle management in the communications industry when it was flying high (2000). 6-figure income, being "important", jetting all over the world, sought after, respected, revered(?), all that. I was laid off Septembet, 2002. I started a construction/maintenance company and in 4.5 years discovered that we could successfully build anything except a profit. At the end of my rope and having spent all our IRA there, I combined my company with another company where I was president and, in 3 months, I thought we were set to take over the world when, in an ugly scene, I was fired from my own company.

That was May of 2007. I've been struggling (like, trying to be willing to stay on the planet) with "what's next" since. We've lived on negative income until, this year, our whole savings will run out. Trust me, I'm not whining because I know that we were just ahead of the game and that MANY people are either in the same boat as us or are following shortly behind. On a good day (I mistyped "god day" and either are apropos), my wife and I joke about being trend setters - we lost our jobs and savings long before it became the fashion.

On a bad day, well, again trust me, it's hard to drag one foot in front of the other but, so far, I've been given the grace to do that.

My orders from my sponsor are to "...stop managing..." and follow my heart (not my head) and trust god that I will be given what I need, when I need it. I've got to tell you:

1. it's working
2. it's not the least little bit comfortable

Many times, I'm just sure that today will be the day that it's all going to come crashing down. I accept that as an "old idea" but I really don't think I have the faith to persevere.

So, my friend and I were walking and talking about what was going on with me and I talked some about how much I'm enjoying blogging, the web work that I've committed to do, learning this generation of working on the web, our principles workshop, learning about our AA principles, etc. - in other words, having a really good time following my heart as best I can...

...BUT...

I really don't know how we're going to pay the bills this summer...

Then he said again, "...but, you've got a really good heart..."

Trust me (I know I'm saying that a lot but you've either got to trust me or this will be a REALLY long post ;-) ), with 25 years on this path and being as sober and as sane as I can be today, it's all I can do to not try to convince him otherwise. I figure he just doesn't see the selfishness, the fear, the dishonesty that I know is in my heart. It's certainly not the good heart that he sees.

And then I come back to my computer and Scott, Mary, Pam, Steve, and others offer me some encouragement in the blogosphere via posts and comments.

I cried...

So, for now, please don't let me talk you into what an evil person I am (trust me, I'm really persuasive and know that I could convince you ;-) ).

...and, let's hope for today, that this good heart really is "enough".

Peace,
Ed

Euphoric recall...

I met with a sponsee this morning who had diagnosed himself for what I would call a near- slip as "euphoric recall". I've never heard this term before but taking it at face value and based on his explanation, I think of it as "...fondly remembering the good times (while drinking)..."

In my recovery, I've always appreciated that there were, in fact, some really good times. I still think of them as good times. While I can appreciate the line "I wouldn't trade my best day as a drunk for my worst day sober...", it's not always been my experience that I authentically feel that way. Sometimes, but not always.

Some of the bad advice I was given early in sobriety was something to the effect of "just think through the first drink" or "imagine the consequences of going back to the life you left" While I can appreciate the nature of this encouragement, the Big Book and my experience bear out the truth that fear of consequences won't keep me sober. That, in fact, one of the aspects of my disease is that, at times, I can't recall the consequences of drinking with sufficient force to keep me sober.

My sponsee and I set the jargon aside and had a conversation about honesty, grace, faith and hope.

...and being of service to others...

I'm still worried about him - he is a chronic slipper (for the ~7 years that he's been hanging around AA) and has a few months now so his wiring is programmed toward heading back toward a drink.

I pray for him. If you have a spare moment, I'd ask you to pray too...

Thank you for that...

Ed

Surrender...

At about 6 years sober, I went on a what was, in retrospect, a year-long exploration of the concept of surrender.

I still remember the day that it started. We were at a conference in Prescott, AZ and it was just a girl's share at a discussion meeting. She said:

"...I come from a family with 7 generations of military service. When I joined the service, I took an oath that I would not 'surrender of my own accord'.

When I came in to AA, y'all told me that I have to surrender my will and my life to the care of a God I didn't know and I had a problem..."

I don't remember much else about her share but I was impressed. I'm not all that close to the military but it made sense what she shared - it would be bad form for a soldier to show up on the battlefield and just decide he/she was just not going to fight that day.

The year after that was challenging for me - I had to grow up and make some amends that I'd avoided and it just seemed that work, relationships and my life in general were not moving in accordance with Ed's plans. I was sitting in a 9:30am Saturday meeting a year later when, suddenly, the insight hit me:

I am the one who gets to pick the time and place of my surrender in AA.

The old idea that I had was that I couldn't stop the fight (surrender) as long I had any troops left, any tools of war in my arsenal, any strength left, any means of prolonging the fight - it was just not allowed for me to surrender until I was "through" - completely spent.

I realized that, if I wake up one morning and decide I don't want to fight, I can say - "I surrender".

The other realization that came with this one is that surrender just means that I don't get to make the choices any more. In very few cases - even in the crazy warfare of today's battles - does surrender equate to sudden and certain death. Usually, surrender is followed by orders something to the effect of "put your weapons in the pile over there and then go sit in that place until we tell you what to do..."

So, why does my ego fight surrender so?

More is being revealed...

One of my guides in sobriety told me when I was about 10 years sober that his life after 10 years in AA was one of "...moving from surrender to surrender...". That certainly has been my experience as well.

I should hope that I'm getting more graceful at this surrendering thing but some days are better than others.

I think the whole blog thing is something of a surrender for me - I've needed to express something. As I read some of the stuff I've written, it's just not for meetings or other places in my life, so, I guess I am to let go of what my life and my program look like and try writing for a while...

Maybe...

...you see, I don't think I get to choose ;-)

Ed

The principle of "being on time"...

Don, my former Service Sponsor (he's dead now) and I used to laugh occasionally about the concept of a "parking space God" - so often cited as being active in someone's life in an AA meeting. The story was always some variation of "...and I was running 10 minutes late and asked God to provide me a parking place and, sure enough, just as I pulled up a car was backing out right by the front door..."

Or, the story where, just when they were on the threshold of desperation, a member would ask God for money and then it would show up in the mail. ...or be handed them after a meeting...

We'd laugh, talk about how powerful they were for being able to call on the God of creation, the God of the universe, the God who watches over us all to provide them a parking space. God as sort of a servant who was at their beck and call.

We'd laugh and laugh.

Then Don would mention the principle of "being on time".

He would relate several experiences where, when he was "on time", the parking space was there. The money arrived when he needed it. His whole existence took on this mystical aura where he had just what he needed, when he needed it. In fact (now a little boastfully), he would state that in his life he ALWAYS had a parking space, ALWAYS had money, ALWAYS got what he needed, when he needed it.

This would make me crazy. I'd say, "...well that's no different than having a parking space god!" He'd smile and look at me with the incredulity that only he could express and say "...tee-hee, is it?"

Over the years, I got that he really lived in accordance with this principle - indeed, he bet his life on it. For example:

• except late in life when he was on some tough medication, he never used an alarm clock - regardless what time zone in the world he was in or what the schedule was for a given day, he would simply ask what time he was supposed to show up and went to sleep trusting that he would be there when he was supposed to be
• Don was the last person on the planet that you wanted to talk to about financial planning because, if he had money in his pocket that was not promised elsewhere, he would presume he was supposed to give it to someone and hand it off
• when he was out of money, he would answer a call and go do what he was requested to do - never asking about compensation. If he was asked how much he wanted to get paid for something, the only response I ever heard him give was something to the effect that "...it's my job to do what you've asked me to do, it's your job to figure out what my work is worth to you..."

One day I got to experience some of this at a different level. I'd agreed to take Don to a workshop on a Saturday morning in Ft. Collins (about an hour and a half away). The workshop was to start at 10am and we'd had little traffic so we arrived at the church at around 9:30 and so I started to get out of the car to go in. Don said, "Wait, we're too early."

Being used to generally showing up late for things in my life, I always thought that it was a good thing to be "early" but I humored him and we sat and chatted for a few minutes. At about 9:45 a 10-12 point buck strolled leisurely across the church yard right in front of us. After the buck had cleared the yard, Don said, now it's time for us to go in.

I was, needless to say, impressed.

On more than one occasion, I'd known Don to invite folks who were traveling with him to let go of their attachments to time (watches, clocks, schedules, calendars, etc.). In these occasions, people were astonished at the changes in their lives' experience when they would throw themselves into the serendipity of whatever showed up, when it showed up. Then something would happen (they'd miss an airplane, a show they'd intended to see, etc.) and Don would point out that they'd moved from living with the principle of "being on time" to using the power of the universe to be some sort of "parlor trick" - calling on an an energy wherein they were in control and managing what happened.

He was an amazing dude...

Ed

Breakfast serenity...

I have a weekly breakfast meeting with a sponsee. This guy has better than 2 decades of sobriety and he has an amazing mind to observe and play with. He can get into something (a rant, his work, something said at a meeting, his kids, etc.) and keeping up with his conversation is like drinking from a fire hose - he definitely can be full on entertainment for a morning. I'm pretty low key and reserved and watching us have a conversation must look from the outside like a tennis match between Roger Federer on speed and Steven Wright on Thorazine.

I have been sponsoring him for over 15 years and I wonder what I'm doing in that relationship sometimes. We've been through the book and the steps, we've done inventories and worked through life's little and big problems, we're way clear what our relationship is and what it isn't - I just wonder how I can be useful. (or is that ?)

For years in the program, I had "sponsor envy". I would hear folks share of their wonderful, wise, insightful, sponsors and say - "...how do you get one of those?..." It was just one more way how I could be less than everyone else.

Then, I realized in retrospect, I've always had the perfect guides when I needed them. Imagine!

In truth, I've realized what a blessing it has been for me to walk with some giants among men - some big, some smaller, but truly giants.

I wonder what my friend thinks? Truth is, I think know...

Isn't it nice I'm not in charge?

Peace,
Ed

The future...

My wife found and forwarded this video to me yesterday - probably the 3rd or 4th time I've seen it since it was released last year but it reminds me (again) that the world I get comfortable with today is not the world my g'kids or even I will know in the near future.

I think back in the few times over my life, both before and after sobriety arrived, when I've thought I "had it all figured out" and realize that I don't know nuthin. I have a sponsee who makes me crazy when he gets some new insight and says "...what are you trying not to know now, Mark...". I figure it's just his way of devaluing or managing his response to a new insight.

...but, I've got to tell you, the recent changes in my life seem like we're onto something really BIG!!!

...and, really, really, really, really small...

The truth is, I guess, the insight I get is the insight I get. Due to our principles of humility and anonymity coupled with a true, honest surrender for today, regardless what my life looks like in the future, it will be perfect - as it has been today and even this weird past that got me here.

Aint that a hoot!

So, in the mean time, I will puzzle and worry over our economy, my inability (or unwillingness?) to make a living, my failing attempts at relationships and a program of recovery and realize the cosmic joke of it all.

Maybe I should learn Latin?

Peace.

Ed

Getting started...

I've had a great deal of trouble the past few months with committing to way too much and then actively looking for ways to invent and spend idle time (computer games, web surfing, movies, etc.) and avoid any of the stuff I commit to. I think I've been pretty sick around this stuff...

I forget that AA is a program about beginnings and grace.

So, yesterday, instead of waiting for the perfect, balanced, exercise program to unfold for me, I took a walk for several miles instead of driving around town.

And, I wrote a blog article...

This whole blogging thing has been an interesting metaphor for the rest of my life. After lurking for a few months, then committing to doing it, it is all that I can do to not burn it down (ok - it's just a matter of deleting it...) and running away. But, I see folks like Mary, Steve and Scott and realize that:

1. it takes time to build a "practice" of blogging (time takes time?)
   
2. it's not always easy
3. it can be useful

...as well as many other things available for the learning.

So, I am grateful that I've made some starts in some new areas. I hope God grants me the grace to continue what would be most useful.

Memories

For many years early in sobriety, I thought I made amends to Duffy's in Denver by NOT going there on 3/17 and NOT making an ass of myself and puking their green beer in public.
One of the things I've often stated is that "...my problem isn't that I had blackouts when I drank, my problem was that they just didn't last long enough..." Way too many times, there are these embarrassing, hideous, shameful flashes that, to this day, just show up in a sea of dreamy unconsciousness.
3/17 and Duffy's account for a few of those vignettes.
I don't share my last name here but I am not Irish. I never really hung much with Irish folks. But, on 3/17, I became the best 6'1", whiskey and green beer swilling Irish drunk that I could. What's not to love in a culture where drinking like I did seemed so revered?
Except, now I know it is different for them and me. They were drinking (and still drink) because it was fun and they wanted to. I drank because it was fun and I had to. I could never have entertained the whole bar so effectively without it. And, of the 6-7 years I can remember of my Duffy's tour, I think I made it outside or to the bathroom before puking just 2 times.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not generally a puker. I still pride myself on the enormous amounts of crap I could drink and generally hold it all. Just something about 3/17 and my wedding nights that seemed to bring out the puker in me.... But I digress (or am I boasting?)...
To this day, I don't know if the look the waiters and managers gave me when I showed up for my annual appearance was the look of recognition from the last year that I feared it might be, or if they just saw a drunk who would be trouble from past experience with those like me. In any event, I'm glad I don't have to guess that today.
By the way, at about 5 years sober, I went to Duffy's to make amends. While the manager was more than gracious and reassuring during our conversation, I've got to tell you that part of my sober experience today is motivated and supported by my desire to never have to have that sort of conversation again. I never heard from him again but I hope somewhere his having my name and phone number on his desk (should any like me show up and he want to offer them a solution) might make some magical, karmic difference in all our lives.
Happy day to all!!
Ed

Trudging...

Trudging is one of those words that I thought I knew and understood but had some sort of spiritual experience where I could really see later...
I used to envision when they said in the Big Book "...as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny" that they were pointing to the dreary effort that I presumed a life without booze would be. Think of the feeling 3/4 way up a 7.5 mile hike up a 14er peak in Colorado - you're tired, sore, hating every step, wishing you were in better shape, not noticing the gorgeous surroundings, just wishing it were "over". Indeed, most common definitions of trudge today are something around a "weary, heavy walk...".
However, I was at a party a few years ago and we were looking through our dictionary which was published in 1939 and we came up with a different definition of: "to walk deliberately or with strong intention" (sorry, can't find the dictionary now to get it exactly right...).
Suddenly, I saw the reference in the Big Book (and what I'm to be about in my life) in a whole different light. I'm simply to make progress toward a spirit-led life with a mindful intention.
So, today my life is about "trudging". I find myself fighting myself in the struggle to "improve" myself - eat better, get more exercise, make more money - pick anything to look at and I'm struggling.
The answer to the struggle is to stop struggling and ask God for the grace to do what's next. So far, God's been faithful. Yet, I struggle.
So, as I float this article out into the blogosphere, it goes with the prayer that, for today, I can be the best I can be, that I learn what there is to learn and that God will find use and purpose for me that I may not see for myself.
Keep on trudging...

Ed

My Rationale(?)

OK - so I'm just figuring this out as I go (just like the rest of the world) and it occurs to me that the other blogging I'm doing now (36Principles.blogspot.com, 36Principles.org/blog) are great in that they are exploring what the principles are and how they can be used in the life of an A.A. member's recovery.
However, in support of that effort so far, I find that I am working more at understanding than expressing my daily experience, strength and hope in my own program of recovery.
In my investigations of the AA blogging recovery world so far, I'm observing a different sort of experience going on (beyond just passing information around) and I feel led to participate in that world some since it's a world I'm drawing from and not giving back to (yet).
So, I don't know if this new blog will be useful or not but it seems as though it's certainly "what's next" so I intend to participate in this world as much as I can.
I'm not big on committing more time to something that I've not really even tried out yet so I'm as interested as anyone (or no one?) as to how often and what sort of posting gets done here...
I am grateful for the many who have gone before me (some listed in blogs I follow) in this endeavor to show me how it might be done...