Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Feeling mushy...

It has way more to do with my allergies and dealing with constant sneezing and hacking with them (I'm SO tired of explaining that it's NOT the flu - ANY kind of flu...) than any sort of great spiritual experience or growth but I find that I really hate that feeling that I used to work so hard to perpetuate. Sort of numb to the world. Sort of groggy. I'm sick of people assuming I just got up when I answer the phone or looking at me like I'm trying to kill them when I sneeze. It's just allergies!!!

But, it's my experience and I suppose it is about spiritual growth so I guess I'd best learn the lesson(s) that are in front of me.

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that, in my heart of hearts, I still pretty much presume that I'm going live healthy (body & mind) forever. Apart from my own little infirmity now, I have a sponsee in the ER this morning with a blood clot in his leg, another sponsee who witnessed a fatal car accident yesterday, a sister-in-law transitioning to late-stage COPD, an aunt who died after a 15-year run with Alzheimer's - it's not like I don't have immediate, glaring examples of how thin my lie (living healthy forever) is.

I'm reminded of a corporate sensitivity training a few years ago where I learned that those who are chronically disabled often refer to the rest of us as "temporarily-abled" in that, statistically, it's likely most of us will need some level of accommodation for handicap for some part of our lives before they plant the grass over our remains/ashes.

It's just allergies!!!

But, I'm reminded I'm among the large set of folks who don't have health insurance today. If I were in my sponsee's position this morning, I suppose I might die before it could be ascertained that they could admit me by bankrupting us and taking our house equty. Or, whatever...

It's just allergies!!!!!!

Anyway, I think the principle of the moment is about gratitude that I can learn something, even with a mushy head. That I am responsible for looking for an opportunity to contribute in my life today. I am responsible for mainting the cadaver the God has entrusted me with but that my over-all health and well being is not going to be an outcome that I get to totally control.

And, today I'm just fine...

2 comments:

Syd said...

Be careful, Ed, that you're not F.I.N.E. I generally say I'm okay today.

Scott W said...

I have health insurance through the county. It's not ideal, but I am totally grateful to have it.