Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Resentment...

A few years ago, when I was working with yet another alcoholic who didn't think they had any resentments, I came up with a description of a symptom of resentment that seemed profound (I must have heard it at an AA meeting somewhere since everything I have that's profound comes from someone else...):
"If you find yourself having an angry conversation with someone who is not actually there (either out loud or in your head) - chances are, you have a resentment."
Lately I've found myself having lots of those conversations. With my kids. With my sponsees. With myself. With bloggers. With other members in AA. With my wife. Especially with my wife...

I also noticed that I've written 3 times about the 4th step in the past 2 weeks. Huh.

I also noticed that it's been 3 weeks since I connected in any depth with my sponsor. Huh.

I would certainly like to know why, against my best thinking and best intentions, I can still sometimes get sick from this disease...

At least, today, I know something about how to recover from that...

I love this program...

3 comments:

Prayer Girl said...

This certainly reminded me of a somewhat heated conversation I was having 'in my head' with a relative a few days ago.

I decided to just "let it go". I've spent too many years of my life in that very fruitless activity - no more, if I can help it.

Thanks for your post,
Prayer Girl

Syd said...

Ed, I caught myself muttering the other day about some one being a jerk. I knew that I had a resentment. It's an old one that comes up with those who (I think) treat me in a way that I don't like. I act like a kid about it. But it is helpful to follow these feelings and see what's at the root. Then I can do something about it all. And rearrange my thinking.

Mary Christine said...

Cunning, baffling, and powerful. Always.