Monday, July 27, 2009

Willing to have them removed...

I was writing a blog article today on another blog on the 6th step and was reminded of the following events...

When I was about 7 years sober, I managed to squeeze the hour that is recommended at the end of the 5th step on page 75 into about a 9-month long process on one trip through the steps. It was a thorough (exhaustive?) review if how I had used the character defects that I'd discovered in step 5 in my life until that time.

Drunk and sober. Young and older. There was that corrosive thread of my spiritual malady that was expressed in my character defects. While this process, on reflection, probably had precious little to do with the working of the steps as outlined in our Big Book, it was undeniable after that effort that my life, as ruled by my core beliefs grounded in those character defects, had not only not worked, was grounded on lies and beliefs that would only lead to my ultimate demise.

I can still remember the morning (now over 17 years ago) when I was sitting in a Saturday morning meeting and I looked at the steps on the wall. I realized that I was at the same bottom with my character defects then that I'd been at with booze ~10 years earlier. I truly couldn't imagine life without these core beliefs that had "served" me my entire life, but, I also couldn't imagine going even one more day with these lies, these distortions, these character defects running my life.

I think that day I was entirely willing...

My life has not been the same since.

I've yet to find the step or the promise in our Big Book that says "...and then we rendered pure as the driven snow..." I'd like it to be there, I truly would.

But it's not...

So, I've made acknowledged spiritual progress and I still have as my "standard" spiritual perfection.

That's the best that it gets...

4 comments:

dAAve said...

I like hearing (and reading) about surrendering to win.

Syd said...

Being entirely willing meant that I finally became teachable and that I had humility. I was willing to listen. Sometimes the light comes on and stays on...

Steve E. said...

I like being teachable, and I am still learning --grin! more than I ever dreamed of learning.

Surrender to me elicits TWO winners--because it usually means the war is over.

Scott W said...

Sponsee and I had a long chat tonight about the first step and the surrendering to win paradox.

I have to be willing, I have to be reminded I have to be willing. It's a slow process, but that is what it's all about!