I wrote an article in my head yesterday that I'm glad I didn't post. It was pretty much all about the financial terror that woke me up at 3am and the restlessness of my soul. I will eventually write about it but I have to tell you that it was not the time or place yesterday.The picture is from my front yard. You have to know that I just love where I live. The spring was spectacular for the dozens of rose bushes we've planted. Every morning when I go out to pick up the paper, I am humbled by the awe of just being here - in this time, and in this place.
The house itself does not reflect this love of mine in that it needs painting, a major section of fence needs replacement (I tore out the old fence and replaced it with temporary orange construction fence - my wife has long tired of the joke that it is deliberate "art"...), the yard needs weeding, the foliage needs trimming, the pool needs cleaning, the deck needs work - you get the idea. Lots of unfinished work everywhere I look.
And, we're spending about $5k/month more than we're bringing in...
So, I can (and do, in my illness) justify my financial terror. What an awful time it is in our world for a 57 year old fat man to find work or make money. And all this work must be done around our house and we can't afford to hire any of it done.
This is the sad truth for us....
Or, is it?
I have decided on this July 4th to declare my independence from all these perspectives of my world. I will, instead, focus on my spiritual growth and fulfillment. I will clean the pool, work on the fence, look for ways that I can be useful and "...ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be." (BB p. 68)
I don't know what the future holds for me. As I said, it looks pretty bleak and hopeless but, the greater truth is, if we're supposed to be here, it will happen. If we're supposed to be somewhere else, that will be far better for us and we'll be happier there. Again, my life is not my business...
I will also go to my home group and meet with a few sponsees and try to offer some hope for the recovery from alcoholism.
...then, we'll probably go see some fireworks...
...ah, freedom...
2 comments:
That is something I've always liked, 'others opinions of me are none of my business'.
I know how you meant it but in your post it mentioned a sponsor who had been dead for awhile. My twisted little mind wants to imagine that after awhile he got up and was a sponsor again. I think I had better get up and get some air!
Good for you. I like the idea of First Things First....just doing a little bit and chipping away at what needs to be done. I did some of that in a different way this weekend.
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