Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I don't know...

I live today in a life with way more certainty than I think I've ever had.

I found myself thinking of one of those 3-statement things you hear people offer at meetings as their offerings to whatever is being discussed at that moment:
  • I don't know
  • I need help
  • I give up
I'm sure that's not exactly what anyone else ever said (or, that it's really all that brilliant) but it's the best I can remember off the top of my head and it sort of makes the point that I am about today - certainty is overrated.

While, today, I like to have my life fairly predictable, life is not. It just isn't.

I'm blessed today with health, enough money to last through today, a few people who care about me - way more than many other people on the planet have tonight.

Yet, the only appropriate response that I can come up with in this spiritual journey is to "give up" - just stop the madness of presuming certainty in anything - at least anything outside of God and AA.

Because, in the midst of all this "certainty", I'm confused - about important stuff. Like: What's real? What's the next right thing? Am I really on the spiritual journey or just deluding myself? You might get the drift...

Anyway, I don't know.

I need help.

I think I'll give up for the day and ask God for the next intuitive thought or action when I need it.

And then, maybe I'll be given the grace to be able to do it...

I hope so...

4 comments:

Scott W said...

Ahhh, steps 3 and 11, my favorites.

Syd said...

Nothing about life is predictable. I still want it to be but it just isn't going to be. It sounds as if the analysis paralysis is hitting on you hard. It does with me too. I had to go back to Step One on Monday night with my sponsor and then move right into Step Two in order to be sane.

Steve E. said...

Ed, you and I worry a lot--but about different things.

Mary Christine said...

Thank God you have the ability to ask yourself the hard questions.