Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I don't know...

I live today in a life with way more certainty than I think I've ever had.

I found myself thinking of one of those 3-statement things you hear people offer at meetings as their offerings to whatever is being discussed at that moment:
  • I don't know
  • I need help
  • I give up
I'm sure that's not exactly what anyone else ever said (or, that it's really all that brilliant) but it's the best I can remember off the top of my head and it sort of makes the point that I am about today - certainty is overrated.

While, today, I like to have my life fairly predictable, life is not. It just isn't.

I'm blessed today with health, enough money to last through today, a few people who care about me - way more than many other people on the planet have tonight.

Yet, the only appropriate response that I can come up with in this spiritual journey is to "give up" - just stop the madness of presuming certainty in anything - at least anything outside of God and AA.

Because, in the midst of all this "certainty", I'm confused - about important stuff. Like: What's real? What's the next right thing? Am I really on the spiritual journey or just deluding myself? You might get the drift...

Anyway, I don't know.

I need help.

I think I'll give up for the day and ask God for the next intuitive thought or action when I need it.

And then, maybe I'll be given the grace to be able to do it...

I hope so...

4 comments:

Scott W said...

Ahhh, steps 3 and 11, my favorites.

Syd said...

Nothing about life is predictable. I still want it to be but it just isn't going to be. It sounds as if the analysis paralysis is hitting on you hard. It does with me too. I had to go back to Step One on Monday night with my sponsor and then move right into Step Two in order to be sane.

steveroni said...

Ed, you and I worry a lot--but about different things.

Mary Christine said...

Thank God you have the ability to ask yourself the hard questions.