Aftermath...

I love the 4th. The fireworks. The general party holiday spirit. Even the patriotism. It all seems to sort of jiggle something in me.

But, especially the fireworks. In our little community, we have a moderate fireworks display - ~1,500 shells in 20 minutes and 6 seconds but who's counting? The finale had ~600 shells in ~20 seconds. I've been to much, much larger displays but it worked out that we could get to this one and, one more time, I love the explosions and the artistry of the display. I can't help but feel sorry for those war veterans who are there, though - must be an entirely different (and, I presume, awful) experience for them.

It was interesting that the article that I wrote yesterday on Independence may or may not have been read (only 1 comment - not much traffic) since I posted another article which seemed to resonate with folks about the 4th (which, turns out, Scott W. pointed out was only partially factually correct). I guess, live and learn about blogging and how folks read their blogs - 2 posts in a day is probably generally over-indulgent of me.

Anyway, the aftermath from a lovely day on the 4th and the excitement of fireworks is usually sort of low key day - that's my expectation anyway. Some work plugging away at tasks that have been postponed over the last several weeks and hoping to keep my expectations low enough for activity that I can live up to (down to?) them.

Some years ago (may have even pre-dated my sobriety) the wife of a preacher explained to me a phenomena that the clergy refer to as "blue Monday syndrome". The observation was that, after even the most effective minister gave their fiery sermon, was thanked and congratulated by the congregation, spent the rest of the day calling on members of the congregation in presumably intense spiritual work - they would return home from this full and intense day and then sort of "crash" into a depression on Monday. Many churches are closed on Monday, in part, because of this phenomenon.

I thought this was interesting. It certainly has always been my experience that, after a conference or workshop, there was an aftermath - always a let down. Sometimes not so much of a depression but a blah feeling that I just didn't want to go forward. The dread of "blue Monday" would even keep me from attending or participating in something that was exciting and wonderful to me.

Just one more way that I was (and, to a lesser extent, am) sick. Even the good stuff - the fireworks - has a price beyond the ringing of the ears. In my sickest days, I'd avoid the good stuff to manage not having a depression.

"To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face." (BB p. 44)

I look at this as the most absurd sentence in our book - yet, accepting (embracing?) a life where there are spiritual ups and downs seems impossible some days. I would choose a sort of death rather than face a great time and excitement with an attendant "down" time or mood.

And I thought it was about not drinking....

(...but, not drinking was a great start...)