Monday, October 26, 2009

About me - not...


I love that Step 10 has some of the most explicit instructions in the Big Book. It suggest that we continue to watch for "...selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear..." and "...when these crop up..." (it doesn't say "if" these crop up - they know those things will crop up for all of us), it gives us clear, direct instruction using completely unambiguous time frames (like "immediately", and "at once").

I once had a sponsor who had a very strictly proscribed method for doing the 10th step.  He nagged and cajoled me toward doing this step in his way for years until I'd reached the ultimate surrender - I decided I had to find a new sponsor.

I was "shopping" for who my next sponsor was to be for a number of weeks when, out of the blue, I had this incredible thought: "Why don't you try doing a 10th step in the way your sponsor suggests for a while?"  It was such an incredible revalation to me, I couldn't understand why when I presented it to others they laughed.  Probably like you are now...

Anyway, it started one of the most incredible experiences  I've had in recovery.  On a daily basis I did exactly what our Big Book suggests, exactly as my sponsor proscribed.  It was amazing.

Years later, when that sponsor fired me, I felt an amazing freedom and have never been without a sponsor who I am accountable to.  I am more accountable to a sponsor today than I was in my first years of sobriety.

And, on a good day, the several 10th steps I do keep me clear with God, also.

3 comments:

Scott said...

I love the spiritual axiom containted within Step 10 in the 12X12... no matter what, if/when we are disturbed, it's still our deal, it's still up to us to become un disturbed... it's still our responsibility. That hurt, the first few times I stumbled over that gem.

Mary Christine said...

Awesome.

Syd said...

Amen. I love that Step 10 stuff. I have to pause when agitated often.