Wednesday, April 7, 2010

What I don't know...

My sponsor has assured me for the past several months that all God requires of me in this life is my best efforts.  That, beyond that, the life I have is pretty much none of my business.

I think the reason he and I are on this so much recently is that:
  1. I've felt pretty much failed at several endeavors which seem pretty important
  2. There's been more self-pity than I'm comfortable in looking at around some of the circumstances in my life
  3. It just feels like I should be able to be more, do more, have more - there is just a lot about "more" going on in my head these days
The solution?

Give up?  Try harder?  Both?

All I can say for me is that the only sanity I get some days is from simple acts of love and service.

I know  - makes no sense.  Life heading in the crapper?  Pick up chairs, clean floors, wash ash trays.  Hear that flushing sound from being in the crapper long enough?  Call all your sponsees - whether you're supposed to or not.  Take a new service commitment.  Take several service commitments.  Have so many service commitments that you can't pay attention to your life?  Problem is solved, isn't it?

WARNING: this is not a program for everyone.  I wouldn't expect that most people in the rooms of AA are as sick and as needy as I am.

....but, for me, for today, AA works.

....and, it's never felt to me like my efforts are or will be "good enough" - those are just my feelings...

9 comments:

Julianne said...

After a near miss yesterday afternoon, I am convinced this is true. I have to get out of the dangerous neighborhood in my mind. Service, service, service...whether I feel like it or not!

dAAve said...

One of the things I am CONSTANTLY reminded of is that feelings are NOT facts.

Syd said...

I just signed up for more service work last night. When is there too much? I don't know but I figure that I will find out when it happens.

chitowngreg said...

I think I'd prefer to surrender and try harder. I believe that I if I'm going to ask for help, I need to be prepared to do the best that I possibly can. The result will ultimately be up to God, but I still need to do my part. Thanks for the reminder!

shadowlands said...

Don't forget to smell flowers now and again, and read a bit of poetry too ( if you don't think that's sissy, of course!). It might put you in touch with your feelings in a positive way. Hope this isn't too advice sounding, it was just meant as a suggestion. Blame the blossom on the trees I saw today, driving through Worcester, UK. It's good to be sober, one day at a time.

Patty said...

Thank God for service work and that there never seems to be a lack of it!

Steve E said...

Well, I never had "too much to drink"...

So I guess i cannot ever have "too much of not drinking"...

And if that includes "too much service work"...so be it.

I remember joining a group about 20 years ago called "EASY DOES IT" and I still attend that daily 5:30 meeting occasionally. However, they have since lost the essence of what we meant by "Easy does it"

They forget that part which says: DO-IT!

Somehow, Ed, I believe you'll pull through whatever foggy trails are facing you. God bless you, man.

Mary Christine said...

AA works, and thank God it does.

marie said...

I know that my efforts are never good enough. But at least they are better than they used to be. Many blessings,
Marie