I think the reason he and I are on this so much recently is that:
- I've felt pretty much failed at several endeavors which seem pretty important
- There's been more self-pity than I'm comfortable in looking at around some of the circumstances in my life
- It just feels like I should be able to be more, do more, have more - there is just a lot about "more" going on in my head these days
Give up? Try harder? Both?
All I can say for me is that the only sanity I get some days is from simple acts of love and service.
I know - makes no sense. Life heading in the crapper? Pick up chairs, clean floors, wash ash trays. Hear that flushing sound from being in the crapper long enough? Call all your sponsees - whether you're supposed to or not. Take a new service commitment. Take several service commitments. Have so many service commitments that you can't pay attention to your life? Problem is solved, isn't it?
WARNING: this is not a program for everyone. I wouldn't expect that most people in the rooms of AA are as sick and as needy as I am.
....but, for me, for today, AA works.
....and, it's never felt to me like my efforts are or will be "good enough" - those are just my feelings...
9 comments:
After a near miss yesterday afternoon, I am convinced this is true. I have to get out of the dangerous neighborhood in my mind. Service, service, service...whether I feel like it or not!
One of the things I am CONSTANTLY reminded of is that feelings are NOT facts.
I just signed up for more service work last night. When is there too much? I don't know but I figure that I will find out when it happens.
I think I'd prefer to surrender and try harder. I believe that I if I'm going to ask for help, I need to be prepared to do the best that I possibly can. The result will ultimately be up to God, but I still need to do my part. Thanks for the reminder!
Don't forget to smell flowers now and again, and read a bit of poetry too ( if you don't think that's sissy, of course!). It might put you in touch with your feelings in a positive way. Hope this isn't too advice sounding, it was just meant as a suggestion. Blame the blossom on the trees I saw today, driving through Worcester, UK. It's good to be sober, one day at a time.
Thank God for service work and that there never seems to be a lack of it!
Well, I never had "too much to drink"...
So I guess i cannot ever have "too much of not drinking"...
And if that includes "too much service work"...so be it.
I remember joining a group about 20 years ago called "EASY DOES IT" and I still attend that daily 5:30 meeting occasionally. However, they have since lost the essence of what we meant by "Easy does it"
They forget that part which says: DO-IT!
Somehow, Ed, I believe you'll pull through whatever foggy trails are facing you. God bless you, man.
AA works, and thank God it does.
I know that my efforts are never good enough. But at least they are better than they used to be. Many blessings,
Marie
Post a Comment