Saturday, April 10, 2010

Coimmitment...

As I was settling in to bed last night, I realized I had not written a blog article yesterday.  I've been very busy and distracted, but I realized that I'd made time to play Freecell and had spent enough time in my head that I could have certainly found a few minutes to dash out an article.

But, I didn't.

...and, I didn't get my lazy butt out of bed and write an article either...

I have a general idea that I want to write a blog every day.  You could say that it's been my "intention." I've not been anywhere near perfect, to date, of meeting that intention.  In the past 13 months, I've published about 270 articles and at least one of the hiatuses was over 3 weeks long.  So, we're clear: I'm not perfect at this or anything else in my life.

As I started writing this article, I searched this blog for the word "commitment" and was, frankly, sort of startled that I'd liked some of what I've written about this in the past.  It would seem from what I've written here that I have a pretty good grasp of the principles and the concepts involved.

So it would seem...

The other thing in my head today is that this past week I was stood up by three different sponsees. 
  1. One, I fear (real word), has put himself in the precarious position that he's claimed to have finished his extensive 4th step and has failed to show up, as agreed, four separate times to dig into a 5th step.  I've seen that lie expressed in an undone 4th step get people drunk before.
  2. Another had a fight with his girlfriend the night before and wound up oversleeping.
  3. This morning, a young man just didn't show up but, well, I've just not heard his excuse yet.
I have really good excuses (actually, some pretty lame excuses too) of why I've not written an article some 90+ times this past year that the day closed without my meeting my intention.

On the other hand, at best the excuses offered (or not offered but implied) by my sponsees express an underlying rudeness and disrespect.  At worst, they may be, in fact, evidence of the character defects that are at the core of their alcoholism.

So, I suppose the "right" way to end this article would be to really express my commitment to show up every single day - reliably and as an example of the recovered alcoholic I aspire to be today. 

You'll notice that's not here...

Instead, what I will offer is an acknowledgment of my having learned something today and an expectation that you (and I) will probably judge me by my actions rather than my intentions.

Won't that be exciting for all of us?

7 comments:

Julianne said...

"I judged myself by my intentions while the world was judging me by my actions."--Just one of many favorites.

It's a good thing we have found a group of people who suffer the very same illness. It means we can fall short of perfection and remain loved and valued. I doubt any of your readers are judging you, Ed. I'm grateful for every post.

Thanks for posting today.

Garnet said...

I'm confused. I could have sworn you wrote on your one year anniversary blog that you were shedding your commitment to blog daily. From there on in you were going to blog as the spirit moved you. So personally I think you're covered. And besides, who are you making that commitment to?
Personally, I treasure your blog as it is.
Just my immediate thoughts.

The Turning Point said...

I also treasure your blog whenever the spirit moves you to do it.

Just keep them coming whenever.

Mary Christine said...

I think you write good stuff when you write.. unlike other people (ahem) who write every single day like it is a requirement.

Syd said...

Ed, I don't judge you at all. I appreciate when you post. But blogging is not a job. It is a way to be creative. I sometimes have more to say than at others.

chitowngreg said...

Hey, I enjoy what I get from you--whether it's 270 or 365 times a year. It's about progress, not perfection. Otherwise, we probably wouldn't need a 10th Step!

Scott said...

that passage in Dr, Alcoholic, Addict is the one that struck me when I first read the Big Book. That's where I really began to relate to AA and the 12 Steps.