Thursday, November 5, 2009

Fear and ....


I had a long chat with my sponsor last night.  It truly was evidence of how this thing (AA) works in my live today.

Our general subject was fear.  Specifically, my fears.  About: my finances, my work, my physical health, my relationships, my AA program, my hobbies, my family, my friends, my spirituality, my mental health, the government, our economy, our world, the climate, the weather, my safety...  I think we pretty well covered a lot of them.

Me.

Anyway, at the end of this litany, he related his experiences in early sobriety (I hate it when he does that - doesn't he know I'm 25 years past that? sigh...) and he suggested that I write a list - start into a fear inventory.

I have a sponsee that has a paper taped to the bottom of his computer screen that says (in large type)
" ... We never apologize for God.  Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do.  We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.  At once, we commence to outgrow fear." (BB p. 68)

There's seldom a week that goes by that I don't relate to at least one sponsee or another that process of "outgrowing fear" - the essence of coming into "being that H would have us be".

Yet, for the recent past, fear has once again taken hold of my life in a serious way.  It pretty much fully defines what I do and don't do.

Me.

So, today I'm making a list and only half-heartedly believing that the process which has "worked" the last several dozen times I've done it will, in fact, work again.

Or, at least, I think I hope so...

6 comments:

Steve E. said...

What is it the "Treatment-Center-Chant"...It Works If Ya Work It?

FEAR NOT!

Good Luck, I gotta go work it.

Peace, Ed!

Mary Christine said...

Oh God help us.

Amid the noise and the haste....

It will work again.

Blessings, MC

Madison said...

I see the list of the things you fear and feel like you're an American.

Syd said...

I can't hold the amount of fear that I've felt the past several days anymore. I had to let it go and let the one that I have fears about go as well--I have it all to God and said, here you take it because I can't carry this anymore. I feel much better now. I think that it will work for you too Ed.

mitch said...

I just went to a BBSS, It was the 2nd part of step 4.Fear inventory.We asked Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. Pray it alot.

Mary LA said...

I deal with the same emotion here in Africa even if it is about different things. Fear is a biggie and it can rule us too easily.