Saturday, August 1, 2009

Right use of the will...

There seems to be a theme running with me and my sponsees of late:
"... Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. 'How can I best serve Thee--Thy will (not mine) be done.' These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will. " BB p. 85
I suppose this only comes up for me when I am in a place of selfishness or resentment. The happiest days of the past 25 years (maybe my life) have been when I really "got" the importance and the power of this wonderful and simple admonishment.

Today, and few days recently, I find myself fighting the selfishness and resentment that used to drive my life. It's obvious what needs to be done next. It's clear what God's will is. It is just intensely difficult to drive the cadaver down the street to do it.

Instead, I want to reflect on how overwhelmed I am (like, that's going to make me less overwhelmed?). Or worry on how the circumstances on my life are not to my liking (like, that's going to make me feel better or improve the circumstances?). Or pine about all the other things that I'd do if I could (like, that's opening up the possibilities or helping me to get to do those other things?).

I see the problem. I know the solution.

I just hope God grants me the grace and I have the willingness to get through this stretch.

At least I have that hope.

That's been enough this far.


Steve E. said...

It IS interesting how, after many years of "doing the next right thing" in AA...that sometimes the old "not totally right things" begin to creep back, as little growing things, which, at a certain age, LEAP OUT of me, and head for the old barn of chaos.

The dead drug has become a ghost, which at any time may come back to haunt the house.

Me, too!

Syd said...

I know the solution too and finally started living it again late last week. Thank goodness...I was not in a good place earlier in the week.