Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Four months until Christmas...

I find myself mourning the end of summer and wondering where my life is going.

Since I've yielded to this whole "spirit led life" perspective, I've been off-balance and unwilling to admit how much I'm bothered by this apparent lack of control in my life.

Yet, in many ways - indeed - in most ways, my life is infinitely better than anything I would have designed or planned.

I am very much a slave, a "victim of the delusion that (I) can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if (I) only manage well?" (BB p. 61) I wish I were different, but it's the way I know. It's never worked. It will never work. But, I feel that my happiness and satisfaction will come at my own hand or not at all.

I thank God today that I can see this for what it is - my threadbare character defects wheezing back into life around the places that my fears welcome them.

The truth is that time will march on in accordance with it's usual order. The circumstances in my life will not be any more certain at Xmas than they will be later today. My world, as I view it, can change in an instant or muddle along for decades. I don't get to chose what that will all look like.

...and, that, today, is the good news...

7 comments:

Carol said...

Maybe this is an end of summer kind of thing, even my friend at Comfort Spiral is feeling down.

Syd said...

I find myself feeling pretty content these days. Not sure what is different. Maybe the focus has been on me more. Not sure but I'll take these few days of happiness when I get them. Like you said, the dark days will also come along too.

Mary Christine said...

Merry Christmas!

Prayer Girl said...

I appreciate your thoughts - a lot!

BUT, I don't appreciate the reminder of Christmas in four months. Yikes. :)

PG

Susan DeAngelis said...

I'm mourning the summer, alright. 5 more days until I go back to school. This year's gonna be a tough one. :)
Merry Christmas

Di-Git said...

I am so glad I can feel a full range of feelings and not have to drink over it... just for today
Thanks for your blog

Scott W said...

Thanks for reminding me Christmas is four months away. That will mean cooler temperatures for us. I am so over summer.