Regrets...

(note: I'm avoiding writing an article that I really think needs writing - just wanted to be honest here as that's what's making it hard to post the past couple of days - maybe tomorrow or soon...)

You have to appreciate a good sense of irony when you take AA meetings in to prison.  It makes the time and years a little more tolerable as you realize that most of the people there (99%?) are just going through some motions to be able to make points with their case manager and the parole board.

I volunteer to take a meeting into a minimum security prison ("...don't bother locking the gate after you leave - I'll get it later...") once a month and have done this for nearly 10 years now.  At this group, the meeting is run by the inmates (PC term = "offender" but I'm old and find it hard to change) and occasionally it's chaired by non-alcoholics and topics range all over the map before we sometimes get it brought back to some semblance of AA.

So, I smiled to myself when the topic, taken from Daily Reflections last Thursday, was "regret."  Frank Sinatra came to mind ("...Regrets - I've had a few...") but it really turned into a pretty good meeting.  Of a dozen inmates, most were clearly mouthing what they wanted us to hear but there was some great, empathetic sharing.

One inmate's sister had died the previous week and he understood that he was locked up  at this time for a reason - there was no way he could have gotten through this time sober on the outside.  Stuff like that.

I shared the following couple of paragraphs from our Big Book:

"The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, 'Don't see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain't it grand the wind stopped blowin'?'

"Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fill the bill at all. We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it, being very careful not to criticize them. Their defects may be glaring, but the chances are that our own actions are partly responsible. So we clean house with the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love." BB pp. 82-83

My current sponsor reminds me occasionally that I don't get to set the terms of the length for that period of reconstruction.  There are parts of my story in recovery where it took better than 2 decades to restore some trust that I'd broken.  Some of what has been reconstructed I've actually torn down in sobriety and then had to go back and rebuild it yet again.  That's hard.

Several of the inmates just sort of stared at me as I shared my story.  It was intended to be hopeful - indeed, as best I know, there are miracles available for each of us - at least that's been my experience and observation.  A few of them (besides the other volunteers at this meeting) "got it."

AA does, indeed, work.

AA Renewal

I'm reluctant to post this here but it seems like I need to at least mention this on this blog for, well, I don't know - integrity?

There is a minority of folks in Alcoholics Anonymous who feel that AA may be sick as an organization and, perhaps, as a fellowship.  We are not sure what, if anything, could or should be done about it but we see symptoms of this illness in our meetings and our AA business endeavors (e.g. our service commitments).

We are not among those who feel the need to bash AA or that AA as an institution is actually harming people.  To the contrary, all of us involved in this thus far feel we owe our sobriety, our very lives to AA as it existed when we found it in that it led us to accept the grace of God and become spiritually awakened as a consequence of AA's program of recovery.

We are convinced that, if AA is to change (a big if), it will change as a consequence of people talking about what changes might be made at coffee around our meetings, at our groups' business meetings, at our assemblies and our General Service Conference.  What a few of us realized this past fall is that we wanted to have an area where we would be able to brainstorm and collaborate about what AA could do to fix what we feel are fundamental problems in our organization.

Or, perhaps what we know as "AA" today should just be allowed to disappear and that the next organization (if any) to come up will be born anew from the ashes of that old organization?

I don't know the answer.  I don't think anyone who's participated in this effort so far feels that we know all the answers.

What I do know is that, for me as a member of AA today, if AA were to pass into obscurity by, in part, my lack of action, I would wonder if "I should have done something..."  So, I am participating in this new site where we hope to be sorting out some of these thoughts.  Again, this is not a new "movement" or a set of folks who want to do anything other than seek some clarity about the hard issues we need to face and deal with as a fellowship.

Or deliberately decide not to.

So, if you care, check out aarenewal.org.  Participate and/or register if you want to.  Mention it to others if it seems useful.  Ignore it completely if it seems irrelevant or against your principles of participation in AA.

All that said, I think what I've generally been doing on this blog is completely separate from my participation on the aarenewal.org site.  While I might share my experiences as a sober member in both places, what I see is that this blog is only a reflection of my personal experience trying to apply the AA principles in an imperfect life.  That other space is a place we're trying to improve an organization we think is imperfect by applying these principles.  Related but not the same.

But, I thought some readers here might want to know something about where my head has been at when I'm not writing here...

More work...

Well, the meeting on the 12th step didn't go the way I'd expected last night (seldom does) but it was perfect as it happened.

However, it left me with this great passage from our BB that I didn't get to share there.  So, I thought I'd share it here today.  It's really the close of the chapter that I led with yesterday:

"Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed.

Many of us keep liquor in our homes. We often need it to carry green recruits through a severe hangover. Some of us still serve it to our friends provided they are not alcoholic. But some of us think we should not serve liquor to anyone. We never argue this question. We feel that each family, in the light of their own circumstances, ought to decide for themselves.

We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witch-burners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it.

Some day we hope that Alcoholics Anonymous will help the public to a better realization of the gravity of the alcoholic problem, but we shall be of little use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility. Drinkers will not stand for it.

AFTER ALL, OUR PROBLEMS WERE OF OUR OWN MAKING. BOTTLES WERE ONLY A SYMBOL. BESIDES, WE HAVE STOPPED FIGHTING ANYBODY OR ANYTHING. WE HAVE TO!"  (BB p. 102-3)

'Nuff said...

Belonging...

I have found it hard to get an article written and posted for a couple of days now.  During that same time, I've been struggling meeting other commitments and also have been doing some reflection around AA's 12^th  Tradition (anonymity).  Funny how, for this alcoholic, the most difficult part of my existence is to just belong into my own life.

Huh.

I can't tell you the number of times I've been on the phone with my sponsor and I hear myself whining "...well, it may be a perfectly fine life, but it sure doesn't feel like my life..."

It's about surrender and sacrifice.

Bill wrote in the essay "Why Alcoholics Anonymous is Anonymous" (Language of the Heart):

...Powered by alcohol and self-justification, many of us have pursued the phantoms of self-importance and money right up to the disaster stop sign. Then came AA. We faced about and found ourselves on a new high road where the direction signs said never a word about power, fame or wealth. The new signs read, "This way to sanity and serenity--the price is self-sacrifice."

I was marveling with a sponsee, new in sobriety the other day, how we - even with years of experience, still continually balk at this sacrifice.  If I can't uphold the image I want, if I can't have the relationship I want, if I can't eat/drink what I want, when I want it, if I can't do what I want when I want - then, I may as well just die.

And so, many of us die.  Some slowly.  Others, not so much.

But, when I let go of that almighty "I", the reward is sanity and serenity.

Amazing.

Fear and ....

I had a long chat with my sponsor last night.  It truly was evidence of how this thing (AA) works in my live today.

Our general subject was fear.  Specifically, my fears.  About: my finances, my work, my physical health, my relationships, my AA program, my hobbies, my family, my friends, my spirituality, my mental health, the government, our economy, our world, the climate, the weather, my safety...  I think we pretty well covered a lot of them.

Me.

Anyway, at the end of this litany, he related his experiences in early sobriety (I hate it when he does that - doesn't he know I'm 25 years past that? sigh...) and he suggested that I write a list - start into a fear inventory.

I have a sponsee that has a paper taped to the bottom of his computer screen that says (in large type)

" ... We never apologize for God.  Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do.  We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.  At once, we commence to outgrow fear." (BB p. 68)

There's seldom a week that goes by that I don't relate to at least one sponsee or another that process of "outgrowing fear" - the essence of coming into "being that H would have us be".

Yet, for the recent past, fear has once again taken hold of my life in a serious way.  It pretty much fully defines what I do and don't do.

Me.

So, today I'm making a list and only half-heartedly believing that the process which has "worked" the last several dozen times I've done it will, in fact, work again.

Or, at least, I think I hope so...

About me - not...

I love that Step 10 has some of the most explicit instructions in the Big Book. It suggest that we continue to watch for "...selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear..." and "...when these crop up..." (it doesn't say "if" these crop up - they know those things will crop up for all of us), it gives us clear, direct instruction using completely unambiguous time frames (like "immediately", and "at once").

I once had a sponsor who had a very strictly proscribed method for doing the 10th step.  He nagged and cajoled me toward doing this step in his way for years until I'd reached the ultimate surrender - I decided I had to find a new sponsor.

I was "shopping" for who my next sponsor was to be for a number of weeks when, out of the blue, I had this incredible thought: "Why don't you try doing a 10th step in the way your sponsor suggests for a while?"  It was such an incredible revalation to me, I couldn't understand why when I presented it to others they laughed.  Probably like you are now...

Anyway, it started one of the most incredible experiences  I've had in recovery.  On a daily basis I did exactly what our Big Book suggests, exactly as my sponsor proscribed.  It was amazing.

Years later, when that sponsor fired me, I felt an amazing freedom and have never been without a sponsor who I am accountable to.  I am more accountable to a sponsor today than I was in my first years of sobriety.

And, on a good day, the several 10th steps I do keep me clear with God, also.

Internet and AA - finishing thoughts

(Context: for a few days I'm thinking through some perspectives on AA and the internet in preparation for a workshop)

The internet has fundamentally changed "how I do" AA.  This is hard to over-state:

1. Almost all of my AA service is coordinated and scheduled via email and common calendars.
2. Most of what I write, report or, collaborate on is done online.
3. When I need to look up a particular phrase or passage from our Big Book, I'll often start online even if the book is sitting right next to me.
4. When I travel, I usually start looking for meetings that I might attend via internet searches (e.g. Google: AA Boulder CO, online Intergroup, etc.).
   
5. When we do night-watch for our local central office (phones from AA central office are transferred to my home or cell phone overnight so that it appears I'm answering the call at the local AA office), we try to be close to a computer so that we can look up meeting times and addresses online if necessary.
6. My home group keeps our speaker calendar online (privacy protected) so that more than one person can schedule speakers for the meeting.
7. When I research a topic, idea or some part of AA history, I usually start online.
8. When I refer a speaker tape to someone, I usually look for the speaker online before flipping through our badly maintained library.
9. When I have a question about an event, I usually look for the flier online before sorting through my mountains of paper.
10. I write blog articles frequently (almost daily). 
11. I read 6-7 members' blog entries almost daily.
12. I participate in (primarily watch) online social networks.
    
13. I collaborate with other people about AA issues and concerns online.
14. AA meets the rest of my life (travel, schedule, etc.) where the rest of my life happens online (e.g. web maps, travel sites, calendars, banking, etc.).

I suppose that's not unique to AA.  If I'd given my life to  a church 25 years ago, it would have probably evolved similarly.  We have a good friend in the fellowship who was recently ordained as a monk.  It's amusing to think how he's integrated that ancient calling and path to the world of Google and Twitter.

But, if AA is to remain relevant and available to the drunk of today and tomorrow, I think we must pay attention to and care about how and where AA, as an entity, is online.

In all of my reflections this week, I've found myself often thinking "how is this new?"  Quite often, my answer is "Not at all!!!".  The same traditions and principles that have caused us to recover and have protected our fellowship for 75 years need simply to be adapted and applied to the world and the AA work that includes the internet.

I've thought often about how Bill "sold" the idea of writing a book to the approximately 25-35 people that comprised our fellowship in 1937.  Many (some argue the majority) felt that the AA message of recovery could not be carried by a book.  That, writing a book would be a distraction to the fellowship and would dilute the AA message and limit it's effectiveness.  Bill persevered, our Big Book was published and AA was born anew.

Today, I think we need to look for the dozens of good AA members who will engender AA's presence online much as Bill's vision brought us a book.  The challenges will involve applying principles of anonymity, self-support, honesty, self-sacrifice - all of them will be discussed endlessly until the truth, for us, emerges.

With an appreciation of, perhaps even a reverence for, AA's guiding principles and traditions, we will make new mistakes, learn our lessons and carry our message as best we can wherever the hand reaches out for hope.

That can be our responsibility...

Doing right...

I've read Mary's and Pam's articles today on the 12th step and written another article on the 9th step. Caused me to think more than was good for me...

I love all our program. All of it.

I personally think that the 9th step in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is our most "spiritual" step.

Sounds sort of funny since the whole program is spiritual and step nine is, by most, either the most dreaded or the one sort of ignored in our recovery process.

For me, it was the step that afforded me the freedom to walk down the street without fear or dread. It gave me the freedom to look someone, anyone, in the eye and be at peace and ease.

It offered me the skills and the willingness to become a man among men - a station in life that I'd never even aspired to since I was absolutely sure I could never measure up to that lofty goal.

It's what truly gave me something of value that I could share with the newcomer today...

No, I don't believe that you don't have to complete your 9th step to start doing the 12th step (if you have a day's sobriety, you have some experience to share with some of the folks still struggling in some of my meetings).

On the other hand, if you've not experienced the joy of crossing the last name off your 8th step list having completed all your direct amends, then you're missing something that I would wish for you while you're on this planet...

...if, you're an alcoholic like me...

An allergy...

I love in the doctor's opinion when Dr. Silkworth uses the metaphor of an "allergy" to describe the phenomenon of craving that is associated with alcoholism. As the text between the short letter and the long letter in the chapter "The Doctor's Opinion" explains:

"The doctor's theory that we have an allergy to alcohol interests us. As laymen, our opinion as to its soundness may, of course, mean little. But as ex-problem drinkers, we can say that his explanation makes good sense. It explains many things for which we cannot otherwise account." BB - p. XXVI in the 4th edition

I love cantaloupe. I used to live for the time when Colorado's best cantaloupe (Rocky Ford) would come into season. About 23+ years ago, I kept getting sores on the inside of my mouth. Through a summer of noticing when the sores came back, I noticed that it corresponded to when I ate cantaloupe.

I tried cutting back (just a slice or 2) - the d--- sores came back. I really love cantaloupe but I really hated the sores. I tried just one occasionally - got sores. Gave it up completely one summer, tried one piece the next summer - got sores. Eventually, I even figured out that I could get them from a fruit cocktail - even if I didn't eat the cantaloupe pieces, the cantaloupe juice would be enough to cause sores.

I'm hear to tell you, spiritual giant that I am, I'm nearly 22 years abstinent from cantaloupe.

Writing this, I can still salivate thinking of how much I really loved that stuff - but, I've not had any consequences - no sores - for 22 years and counting.

As I was starting out with a new friend the other day and we started into the doctor's opinion in the book, I got to trot out my allergy as an explanation for why I've not experienced the phenomenon of craving for over 25 years.

Being alive and new...

I was asked to give 2 - 10 minute talks at an AA workshop this afternoon and, I tried, but the first one was 20 minutes. So sue me. I didn't see anyone get drunk over it but it still felt intimidating and frustrating.

The second talk was only about 5 minutes so I figure I got to give some back.

The high points of my day were several conversations around and about this beloved fellowship.

The last one, after coffee after my home group meeting tonight, was with a DCM of our local Spanish language district. This district is the fastest growing part of AA in our Area (Area 10 - Colorado). He has been a good friend for 7 years. We've watched him catch on to our program and seen the results in him of a spiritual transformation.

The spanish folks have a huge propensity to sit around and argue about what they should be doing.

A few weeks ago, at a district meeting they decided they had to do something different or they were all going to get into trouble.

...so, today, they decided to go from bed to bed in one of our local community detoxes (where a lot of Hispanics land) and pass out meeting cards and talk with the patients "just like Bill and Bob".

I still am choked up thinking about it.

Seventh tradition...

Probably the best "pitch man" I've ever heard around AA's Seventh Tradition was our area Treasurer a number of years ago. While, on balance, I think he was probably not our best treasurer (he had a hard time understanding the differences between the "books" of AA and other businesses or enterprises), when he talked about the nature and principles of our Seventh tradition, he seldom talked about money.

To him, this tradition was all about the privilege and opportunity of sacrifice, about truly "belonging" to something and, about choosing to participate.

When I first sobered up, I was counseled in the first few days that I was attending meetings that most people put a dollar in the basket but, if I didn't have a dollar, I could put in 50 cents. If I didn't have 50 cents, I could put in a quarter, a dime, a nickel - but, whatever I felt I could spare, that it would be appreciated and included to help "keep our doors open". They taught me that part of my "right" to be here was that I could participate at whatever level I felt I could afford.

Further, whether I would or chose to contribute financially or not, I could always clean, help with dishes, make coffee or otherwise make myself generally useful at our meeting place.

I look with sadness at my home group's largest meeting with over a 100 people in attendance and the basket often is passed 2 full rows without someone feeling enough ownership to contribute anything. I'm not sad for our meeting, we have a great deal on rent and we always seem to have plenty of money - at least for now. I'm sad for what seems to be a whole lot of our fellowship who don't choose to participate.

I try to think of this in all of my life. For much of my life, I was blessed with a good income where I could always "throw money" rather than show up and participate. Don't get me wrong, my whole family enjoyed the vacations, gifts (sometimes extravagant) and my slight-of-hand where I would always pick up the check for our outings. But, for now, that time is gone.

I've had to learn the same thing those deadbeats (I'm joking...) at my meeting need to learn. That, to participate and belong to something is one of the richest gifts life offers. The greatest joy of my life over the weekend was throwing nickles and dimes into the pool for my grandson to dive and get. No one seems to notice that it's not silver dollars or even quarters any more.

I think "self support" has everything to do with choosing to fully participate and the greater the sacrifice, the greater the blessings. Sometimes not blessings I would have sought out but always way bigger and grander than my little plans and designs.

That's been my experience...

Homecoming...

Every time I read or hear a story and it includes a line to the effect "...glad to be home...", I am reminded of a story of mine from about 20 years ago.

It was one of the several times I was in some level of distress and disappointment with my corporate IT job. I'd been working there about 6 years and had great success but, being the chronic malcontent I am, I didn't think they appreciated me enough. I was bored. They didn't do everything I wanted them to do (actually, in retrospect, they pretty much did let me do whatever I wanted...). I was bored. I wanted excitement. I wanted out.

So, this was the time before the web (I know, many of you can't imagine!) but we had what now appears as a really crude service called "netnews" where you could see articles posted from all over the world and we thought that was pretty cool. I started casually looking at articles for employment and, on a whim, I applied to a job (replied to the post with and email of my resume) that was posted at Intel in Santa Clara, CA.

That was the end of September 1989. I wouldn't be able to remember that date except that the Loma Prieta earthquake happened a couple of weeks later and I presumed that my job application would be lost in the rubble and the shuffle of rebuilding.

On December 19, I got one of the weirdest phone calls I've ever received around employment. The person on the phone, obviously a new hiring manager under pressure to fill a vacancy by year end, and after verifying that I was the person who had sent in the resume offered me a job. I said, "Don't you want to interview me first?". She said, "I'll get back to you...".

So, on December 21, I was in California for a full day of interviews. It was beyond surreal being there from any number of perspectives. While life there was functional, damage from the earthquake was everywhere and people were still in a great deal of shock. On the badge I was given when I was in Intel's offices were a full set of survival instructions - and you got that they all took this stuff very seriously. You could still see people in fear - some even in tears - trying to just get one foot in front of the other and show up and work.

The interviews went very well. They offered me the job (again) with about a $20k/year raise from what I was making currently. They twisted my arm to commit before I went back home but I told them I needed to talk to my wife 1st.

I went home wildly enthused about this great opportunity for "us" and so was sort of surprised that my wife not only didn't share my enthusiasm, she seemed to be more steeling herself to wish me well on this adventure by myself. We had a couple of difficult conversations and we agreed that, if we could make it work, we'd try it for a year but, in order to make sure it would work, we'd need to find a place to live.

In retrospect, they really wanted me because they happily paid for a trip for my wife and I to check out the area over a long weekend in early January. We both love that part of the world - I love San Francisco and the coastal areas north and south of there. It was beautiful. We went to some great AA meetings (some that I still talk about today...), met some great people, were just really in love with the prospect of being there. We met up with a Realtor and she showed us ~20 (not an exaggeration - may have even been more) properties in 3 days.

Working as hard as we could to find anything that would work, we finally found a townhouse that we would not have been ashamed of that we could barely afford if we sold our home in Colorado.

...there was the major rub...

At the time, the Denver paper had a Sunday supplement of about 20 pages (again, not an exaggeration) of HUD foreclosures. While our real estate market was tanking, the bay area was, well, being the bay area. We asked our Realtor to write a contingent offer on this townhouse and we would take a huge risk. Her face fell and we knew immediately we had a problem.

She hesitantly asked "...a contingent offer..."?

I thought she didn't understand. She assured me that I didn't understand.

She explained that the townhouse we wanted would likely have at least 3-4 offers by that evening - several for $$$$ more than the asking price. In 20 years, she had never written a contingent offer and certainly would presume it to be a waste of time.

We went back to my new boss and asked for a bridge loan or some way to make this thing work out financially. Suddenly, they didn't seem all that interested in my coming to work there after all...

We made our way home crushed and defeated. It had all seemed like it was supposed to work out that way - that we were being "led" - that miracles were causing us to be able to go out there and have a wonderful adventure.

On the way back into town, I noticed (yeah, I know, they're hard not to notice of you're not asleep but I'd spent a great deal of my waking moments asleep) the Flatirons and said "...well, if we have to be stuck somewhere, this is a pretty good place to be stuck..." It was a joke and it was the hard, undeniable truth.

My life since then has been, well, interesting.

I often wonder if I could have ever really moved there and lived in that pressure cooker society and culture - amidst a population density several times what it is here. If I could have learned serenity in the past few years in traffic instead of on the top of Rawlins pass. If I would have been able to have the wonders of my experience in AA and AA service there that I've had here.

I suppose none of that wondering contributes much to the great reality of my life today. I am here and here is perfect. God has used me here and that is a blessing beyond measure. I must still have work to do here because I am still here.

On our trip to NYC last April, I was reminded how much I still love other places that I used to get to more often.

...but, it was good, it is good, to be home...

July 4th

On a completely different note, I'm pretty sure this is a viral messages so it may not bear repeating here but it struck me as speaking to the true principles for which we should think of our celebrations on this day...

I don't know it's original source - if someone does, please offer likely citation in comments...


-----------
Note: Scott W. (thanx Scott!) offered in a comment that some of the following is true, some false - it comes from a viral letter that started 10 years ago (I didn't know that for sure when I posted it) - enough seems true to not be worth leaving here but you can see a fairer assessment of the history cited (e.g. the "real" story, proper spellings of names, etc.) at the snopes article.
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4TH OF JULY

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence ?

Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died.

Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.

Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.

They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they?

Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, ninewere farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated, but they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his Ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.

Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.

Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.

At the battle of Yorktown , Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters.

He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.

Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months

John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished.
Some of us take these liberties so much for granted, but we shouldn't.

So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots.

It's not much to ask for the price they paid.

Remember: freedom is never free!